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Poetry by 91816119

Literature by Tyrison

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Submitted on
July 19, 2013
Submitted with Writer


19 (who?)
It's broken.                                                             Like the vows We've sworn and pledged to each other, Our destinies are entwined together in a dance of mystery.
Its pieces fell.                                                           Like the leaves of a blossoming tree, Our spirits burned and bloomed with passion, painting everything around red.
Its masks shattered.                                                         Like our hearts, the sun was burning eternally upon our lives and it seemed that for Us no night ever existed.
It's shredded into dust.                                                           Like our pasts, that have crossed each other time after time, our bodies crossed - joined by our breaths.
It's drifting aimlessly into the void.                                                             Like pieces of a blown up star, we fly far from each other, only to find each other yet again.
Its purpose was taken, and dreams - undone.                                                          Like all my efforts, Our future is bound to be great, for it shares both our destinies.
Its silence is Its song, mourning solemnly our grief.                                                         Like a day of rejoice, we live our every single day, and life's like a running river.
Its flow was cut shortsightedly at base - a death of a newborn.                                                            Like the seeds of greatness, we would expect our love to grow.
It's burning heavily in our minds, and burning violently our empty hearts.                                                           Like the fire of the sun, 'Us' will last till the end of times.
It has encumbered our lonesome spirits and like a burden fell on our lives.                                                          Like a shadow of an eclipse, it gives us a shade to hide.
It intentionally gave us a taste of the life we could have before taking it away.                                                           Like the dreams that kept me going through it all,
It has spreaded Its shadow over our heads and stays like a reminder of all the things lost.                                                          That were my life, Now You are my life,
It has awakened the thoughts We long kept forgotten, We long kept away, We longed not to revisit, We longed would get away.                                      From here on -
When you wake up and no longer wish to live, for every aspect and everything about life has suddenly lost its interest in you, just like you lost yours in It.            Eternally,
When everything about being alive annoys you so much, that you want to quit it and stop being alive... and live... Live, and not just stay alive, goddamit!            I will Live
For spite live your life like every hardship is your closest friend and for that You're the happiest man in the whole world. And Live...                                    For You only...
Because It has spreaded Its shadow over our heads, like a reminder of all the things lost.                                                          Just like clouds, that live for the wind...
Because It gave us a taste of the life we could have, before taking it away.                                                                 Just like memories, that live for remembrance...
Because It has encumbered our spirits and like a burden fell on our lives.                                                           Just like the stone, that lives only to become a home...
Because It's burning high in our minds and burning violently our hearts.                                                          Just like a lighthouse, that burns for a ship - for Your ship
Because Its flow was cut at base... like a death of a newborn.                                                           That gets lost infinitely, in the dark and mysterious ocean of 'Us' 
Because Its silence is Its song - mourning our grief.                                                             Just like a prayer, that only lives for being breathed softly through our lips.
Because Its purpose was taken, and dreams - undone.                                                              Just like our pasts, that exist to remind us of the paths we've crossed.
Because It's drifting aimlessly into the void.                                                             Just like the rays of Sun, that sweep through emptiness only to bring life to Earth.
Because It's shredded into dust.                                                                Just like our dreams, that live only to give purpose to our lives and light a fire in our hearts.
Because Its masks shattered.                                                           Just like our hopes, that build up into something beautiful and as a target hang above the horizon.
Because Its pieces fell.                                                          Just like the raindrops, that fall only for the earth, to feed its soil and wash away the pain it bears within. 
Because It's broken.                                                        Just like the wall between us, that stood only to be broken by Us, and a new life with a new meaning will flow
'Us' is broken.                                                            Into You and Me...

What can I say? If you don't get it then read the 2 poems first separately, then together. Or try reading it on a bigger screen so that the 2 poems don't overlap ;)


Got DLD on 01.08.13 Big thanks to :iconladyofgaerdon: for featuring this!!!
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SCFrankles Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Congratulations again on the DLD! :D I really like concrete poetry. And this is such a great shape - I can only admire your technical ability ^^" 

The poems themselves are lovely - the first poem seems so sad but when you put the two of them together the piece changes into something that feels positive and hopeful.
Vainamoinenian Featured By Owner Aug 4, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so much for this lovely comment, dear! :hug: You can't imagine how much I appreciate your words :)
tonepainter Featured By Owner Aug 1, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Very nice, indeed! Congrats on the well-deserved DLD. :D
Vainamoinenian Featured By Owner Aug 1, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you!!! :D
Shuriken95 Featured By Owner Aug 1, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Nicely done! I love the thematic presentation of the piece - it's nice when the shape of a concrete poem is actually relevant to its main themes! I quite enjoyed the "stream of consciousness" style of writing you had going on too. It makes the whole poem seem more relatable to me personally.

If I do have some criticism towards it, it would be that the formation of the shape isn't always consistent. (Eg: "Like the / dreams that kept me going through it all,) Sometimes (no, screw that, we're going with "always") you'll find that, in concrete poetry, you'll need to redo the sentence over and over again until it perfectly fits the shape while still conveying the message you want to convey. 

But overall, you've handled this piece very well, and I feel like it does deserve the DLD it got.

...Congrats on that, by the way!

Vainamoinenian Featured By Owner Aug 1, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you a lot! To tell the truth I didn't quite understand the criticism part, I thought you would point out not the "Like the dreams" line but the "Just like a prayer.." near the end of the right side poem, because it breaks the symmetry... It breaks the consistency of the shape imho (although you should know that I haven't got even a slightest clue what exactly is concrete poetry, I was just writing trying to keep a symmetry, and I even submitted this as free verse, until I was corrected by one of the Word-Smith's admins :D). 
Anyways, Thank you so much for your words :) I'm really happy to hear that! 
Shuriken95 Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
The criticism, now that I look back at it, was more of an OCD nitpick on my behalf. The "like the" in "like the dreams seems to slightly break the diagonal line formed by the shape with the gap left after it.
Wow... now that I look back at it, that was one HELL of a nitpick. I guess that after making this kind of structure for so long, your eyes just kinda lock in on things like that...

The symmetry in the piece is really well managed though. I mean, a piece of this size is TOUGH to shape (I should know...) and I really have to appreciate for how well you've pulled it off.

Like I said, this piece deserves that DLD! :)  
Vainamoinenian Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Yes, it's been a real challenge to shape this poem. So when I finished I didn't even bother correcting that little misplace of a line :D Thank you again :)
Shuriken95 Featured By Owner Aug 5, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
No problem!
Keep up the great work! 
DailyLitDeviations Featured By Owner Jul 31, 2013
Your wonderful literary work has been chosen to be featured by =DailyLitDeviations in a news article that can be found here: dailylitdeviations.deviantart.…

Be sure to check out the other artists featured and show your support by :+fav:ing the News Article. Keep writing and keep creating.

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